A Husband’s “Goodbye” Letter Backfired—His Wife’s Savage Reply Was Pure Comedy Gold
When you fall in love with someone, it’s easy to believe it will last forever. But life doesn’t always follow the plan, and separations happen every day.
When one husband decided it was time to end his marriage, he thought the least painful way would be to write his wife a letter explaining why he was leaving. What he didn’t expect was that his decision would come right back at him—because his wife’s sharp, hilarious reply turned the entire situation into an unforgettable lesson. The exchange is nothing short of brilliant.
Dear Wife,
I’m writing this letter to tell you I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you during our 7 years of marriage, and I have nothing to show for it.
The last two weeks have been especially hard. Your boss told me today that you quit your job, and that was more than I can handle anymore.
Last week you came home and didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand-new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, then went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You never tell me you love me anymore. You don’t want sex—or anything that makes us feel connected as husband and wife.
Either you’re cheating, or you don’t love me anymore. Either way, it’s over, and I’m leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has improved my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for the past seven years—although calling you a good man is a stretch.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your nonstop whining and complaining—though clearly that still isn’t enough.
And yes, I noticed your haircut last week. The first thing I thought was, “You look just like a girl!” But my mother raised me not to say anything if I can’t say something nice, so I kept quiet.
And when you cooked my “favorite meal,” you must have confused me with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
As for those new silk boxers: I turned away because the $49.99 price tag was still attached—and I prayed it was only a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50 from me earlier that morning.
Despite everything, I still loved you and believed we could work things out. So when I won the lottery for 10 million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home, you were gone.
I guess everything happens for a reason. I truly hope you get the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said the letter you wrote makes sure you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that won’t be a problem!
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